Beam me up: Riverside, Iowa's Future Birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk

No more blah, blah, blah: The one and only William Shatner as the one and only Capt. Kirk

Resistance is futile.

I've given her all she's got, Captain. I can't give her no more.

Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a city planner.

Set phasers to stunning, as in a stunning display of Star Trek-abilia.

He's not dead, Jim: Riverside, Iowa's Trek Fest President Ken McCracken. (This picture comes from their awesome website.)

Gene Roddenberry, the creator of the landmark TV series "Star Trek", states in his book "The Making of Star Trek", that his lead character, Capt. James Tiberius Kirk, was born in the year 2228 in the state of Iowa. Seizing an opportunity to bring notoriety to his southeastern Iowa town, a Mr. Steve Miller (not the big old jet airliner guy, but another Steve Miller) suggested to his fellow Riverside, Iowa City Council members that Riverside declare itself the future birthplace of Capt. Kirk. The council agreed, got Roddenberry's blessing and found its place in the hearts of velour pullover-wearing Trekkies everywhere. There's a plaque near the Community Club declaring Riverside's Kirk connection and in a modest strip mall, you'll find The Voyage Home Heritage Center and Star Trek Museum, featuring two rooms of eastern central Iowa history and Star Trek memorabilia. Best of all, they have a truck-sized scale model of the Starship Riverside, a legally acceptable facsimile of the Starship Enterprise, parked on a trailer in the museum's lot along Highway 22. It was quite a sight to behold as we rounded 22's bend and saw it, ready to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, and to boldly go where no man (or eccentric roadside traveler, at least) has gone before. Unfortunately for us, we were in Riverside on a Sunday when the museum was closed but a tantalizing peek in the window showed lots of photos and information ready to be taken in by Trekkies and non-Trekkies alike. Riverside was declared Capt. Kirk's hometown in 1985 and every year since they have held a Trek Fest the last weekend of June. In previous years, they've had parades with the likes of Walter Koenig (Mr. Chekov), George Takei (Mr. Sulu) and Nichelle Nichols (Lt. Uhura), and this past June's shindig looks like it was out of this world: a pet show, demolition derby, scifi swapmeet, costume contest, golf cart rodeo, Gunny the Clown and the ever-popular Pin the Lobes on the Ferengi.

So here's to you, Riverside. Live long and prosper.

Incredi-Bill: North Platte, Nebraska's Fort Cody Trading Post

Nothing warms the heart of a bored cross-country roadtrip passenger than a good, old-fashioned politically incorrect tourist trap. Such is the case of the Fort Cody Trading Post, just off Interstate 80 in North Platte, Nebraska. North Platte has a genuine claim to fame, as it was the 1880s home of William F. "Buffalo Bill" Cody. Not exactly the stay home and collect stamps-type, he got his nickname for killing 4,280 buffalo in an 8-month period during 1867-68. There are lots of good reasons to stop and stretch your legs here: the "fort" is actually a western museum/wild-west-show-in-miniature/kitschy gift shop all housed in a mock stockade (mockade?) complete with soldier mannequins (one with an arrow tastefully stuck in his butt) and a corral out back that is home to a...drumroll, please...Muffler Man Indian! The western museum displays many authentic items, including chaps, guns, boots, spurs, stuffed animals, and some statues of Bill and various Indians. The piece de resistance, though, is a stuffed two-headed calf. The miniature west show is an accurate, if not tiny, diorama of Buffalo Bill's traveling extravaganza from the 1870s. Ernie and Virginia Palmquist carved the 20,000 figures --snake charmers, knife-throwers, fat ladies, cowpunchers, squaws, you name it -- that come to life every half hour in an animated show, free of charge. The gift shop features a glittering array of items to mark the occasion and remember your friends and loved ones by: iron dinner triangles ("Come an' gitit!"), books of western lore, taste-challenged T-shirts, edible bugs, stuffed jackalopes, candy cigarettes and more John Wayne paraphernalia than you can shake a stick at, Pilgrim. And if that's not enough, out back there's a corral with wagons, a tee pee, a buffalo and, yes, the famed 25-foot lantern-jawed brave, girning at you with Native American Muffler Man pride. Muffler Man aficionados will tell you this is a modified classic MM, not the official Indian classification, just so you know. However you categorize him he's awesome, and how.

So don't pass up the chance to see a real kitschy Americana treat the next time you're passing through central Nebraska. And the skies are not cloudy all day.

Semi-conscious: Some trucks seen along the way

A. Duie Pyle of what, pray tell?

And by "gasser", I'm sure they mean that in a Rat Pack "a real solid gasser, man" sort of way.

I'll take "Trucks That Carry Bread" for $500, Alex.

Cue the Tony Bennett: "Oh the good life, full of fun seems to be the ideal..."

Don't be so down on yourself...I'm sure it's lovely in your part of Ohio.

Nobody beats the Sapps...nobody.

My eyes! My eyes! Oh my eyes!

Our Lady of the Snowy Abandoned Dodge.

You just had to try the Bonneville Salt Flats in the wet season, didn't you?

National Pickle Day. Be Kind to Your Accountant Day. Take a Phlebotomist To Lunch Day. I'm out.

I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. No wait, that was Johnny Cash. Never mind.

Keep on Truck Inn.

I'll have four burgers, a large sky and a small tee: The A&W Burger Family of Tipton, Iowa

Papa Burger

Mama Burger

Teen Burger (with a rakish rust mustache)

and Baby Burger makes four.

Home, Sweet Home

The good folks at Hunt's campground put the Burger Family out for all I-80 drivers to admire.

On our great cross-country roadtrip last month, we were happily tooling down Interstate 80 in Iowa when a doubletake-inducing sight blurred past us. Did you see that? What was that? I've never seen anything quite like that before! Quick, before it's too late, get off at the next exit and go back! And a U-turn has never been more worth it, for "it" was a complete vintage A&W Burger Family in a campground miniature golf course. In 1963, the A&W Root Beer chain of fast food restaurants introduced four large fiberglass characters to represent their different types of hamburgers: Papa Burger, Mama Burger, Teen Burger and Baby Burger. The figures looked a little like Hanna-Barbera characters of that period and ranged in size from 8.5 feet tall for Papa down to 4 feet for Baby. In 1974, a different mascot was introduced and the restaurants were instructed to cast off their Burger Families like so much flat birch beer. This put them in the hands of eccentric devotees of the public, much like the Muffler Men that dot the landscape. The Iowa clan that we stumbled across have been part of Hunt's Cedar River Campground since the early 1970s. The mini-golf course was a little down-on-its luck looking, but the family beams enthusiastically at all duffers, just the same. Who wouldn't want to play a round or two of novelty links with these fine specimens of roadside statuary ferociously smiling at your every swing? Road scholar extraordinaire Debra Jane Seltzer has a couple of pages about the Burger Family here, and the fun folks at Vintage Roadside have a great entry about what it's like to own a Burger Family here. Fore!