What, no blue ox?: Rocky Mount, North Carolina's Bunyan Muffler man

There's a Log Cabin Homes place in the northern North Carolina town of Rocky Mount that had the good taste to import a decommissioned Paul Bunyan muffler man from Illinois to be used as their mascot. He stands next to Old Glory on a 40-foot perch that can be seen by dazzled passersby off exit 145 off of I-95. Log Cabin President Tom Vesce says "The company has already been bombarded by Muffler Men aficionados for site visitations and picture taking alongside Paul Bunyan," which just proves the "Field of Dreams" adage, "If you build it (or in this case Bunyan it), they will come."

Ben Bernanke, Great American

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke's stock went way up when I found out an interesting tidbit about his youth. When he was a Harvard student, he worked summers at South of the Border, the beloved tourist trap located in his hometown of Dillon, South Carolina. And not some cushy front office job. He waited tables wearing a poncho just like Pedro, their mascot. This is a truly great American and I'm brimming with confidence that he will use the mantra "What Would Pedro Do?" to guide us out of the financial turmoil our great nation is currently in.

Me encanta recuerdos de mal gusto desde el sur de la frontera*: I love tacky souvenirs from South of the Border

Pull his pants down and he pees. Hilarity ensues.

Richard Petty is ready to greet you...

...as is this friendly native American.

The place looks like it hasn't changed since forever.

Religious icons, anyone?

Nothing makes a roadtrip more fun than a stop for some useless junk, and South Carolina's South of the Border has some of the best crappe of anywhere in the world. Inflatable chili peppers? Check. Risque bath towels? Check. Souvenir backscratcher? Check. Who wouldn't want one of thousands of these precious keepsakes as a memento of the all good times had by all? The decor here is wonderful, too: hand-lettered signs, old wooden counters and shelves, friendly poncho-wearing help. And you can pick up a whole bunch of treasures without breaking the bank. Yo quiero South of the Border.

*if this translates to something ridiculous like "Bite the wax tadpole" it's because I don't speak Spanish and used an online translator.

Mi tacky casa es su tacky casa: South Carolina's South of the Border

If you're driving from the northeast to Florida, you're going to want an oasis half way there. And if your idea of an oasis includes Tacky-with-a-capital-T souvenirs, buildings shaped like sombreros and crude sculptures of mustached poncho-wearing Mexicans named Pedro, you can't top South of the Border in Dillon, South Carolina. A Mexican-themed (for no apparent reason) tourist trap, SOB has been pulling millions of weary travelers off I-95 since the 1950s with promises of deluxe accommodations, wonderful gifts, and delightful eats. You may or may not get all that but you will get a retro tackarama, bursting with unnecessary but essential junk for the taste-challenged road warrior and lots of neon festooned pseudo-stucco. We didn't spend the night here, alas, but we did have a nice meal at Pedro's Casteteria and loaded up on plenty of googahs, whatnots and tchochkes at their deluxe gift emporiums. I've never been to Tijuana, but I get the feeling this might be a reasonable facsimile only without the vice and diarrhea. It would have been great to see all the neon lit up at night. I was especially taken with how much the place appears unchanged since the 1960s. The same junky souvenirs I loved buying on roadtrips as a kid back then are here, on painted wooden shelves with hand-lettered signs advertising their greatness. Bliss! SOB is so vast, I've split up the pictures: this post shows the architecture. I'll get to the souvenirs next. Til then, manana, amigos!

Ay-yi-yi! The billboards of South of the Border, South Carolina

In South Carolina, just across the North Carolina state line is the best old-fashioned tacky tourist trap on the eastern seaboard, South of the Border. I'll talk more about them in the next post, but one of their great features are the seemingly hundreds of billboards you pass for miles and miles along Interstate 95, proclaiming the greatness of Pedro, their politically incorrect mascot, and the marvels they have to offer: fireworks, grits, camping, you name it. How can you not stop here after your desires and curiosity have been whipped up into such a frenzy, especially if you're a bored kid in a car on the way to Grandma's in Florida? The legendary Wall Drug in South Dakota used this same billboard technique to great effect all along I-90. These places hearken back to a simpler, less sophisticated time, when billboards were beacons that would lead the way to awesome places and things. "¡Yo quiero South of the Border"!

Odd souvenir of the week: Las Vegas lip balm

Every once in a while you come across a souvenir that makes you go "huh?" and such was the case with this item. While patronizing a CVS drug store on the Las Vegas strip I spotted a huge dispenser full of lip balm. Nothing to see here I thought, until I noticed the little sticks had the classic "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas Nevada" logo on the label. No other brand name, just that. Sure, people are apt to get chapped lips from the hot Vegas sun and people probably kiss each other more here than wherever back home is, but I'd never seen a cosmetic with a city's logo on it before. A practical souvenir and at a popular price, to boot.

Mundane souvenir of the week: New Jersey Turnpike t-shirt

I love souvenirs. The looking is often more fun than the buying and owning...once you get that precious keepsake home, now what do you do with it? I've bored my friends and relatives to tears by giving them my so-bad-it's-good treasures, so now I mostly just photograph them. Here's a real beaut: a New Jersey Turnpike t-shirt. The NJT is not what you'd call a pleasure ride, so who in their right mind would want a garment promoting it? That's the beauty of it! Awesome.

Seabee-ing is believing: Davisville, Rhode Island's Seabee statue and museum

I think the great Seabees statue looks like a cross between a Roy Lichtenstein painting and Mr. Bill.

You can get a Seabee on a Zippo in the gift shop...

...along with some other unique items.

John Wayne and Susan Hayward even made a movie about the Seabees.

And don't forget the Quonset hut, Rhode Island's other contribution to military history...

...not to be confused with Helen Hayes as Mrs. Ada Quonsett from the movie "Airport."

After the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, the U.S. Navy created construction battalions to provide support to U.S. troops fighting in different parts of the world. These battalions were called Seabees and they were made up of experienced, highly skilled craftsmen including electricians, carpenters, plumbers, equipment operators — virtually any construction or building trade needed to get the job done. The original battalions were formed at a naval base in Davisville, Rhode Island and 100,000 Seabees were trained there. Frank Iafrate, a civilian file clerk working at the base, created a great insignia in 1942. Here's what he said about it: "I thought of a bee — the busy worker, who doesn’t bother you unless you bother him. But provoked, the bee stings. It seemed like an ideal symbol. The rest came easily. I gave the bee a white sailor’s cap, various tools to show his construction talents, and finally a Tommy gun to show his fighting ability. I made the bee a third-class petty officer (E-4) with the 1942 Naval insignia used by the first Seabees on each arm … a machinist’s mate, a carpenter’s mate, and a gunner’s mate." Iafrate later enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1942 and during the war he served as a Chief Carpentersmate in a Seabee Construction Battalion Maintenance Unit.

The base at Davisville was decommissioned in 1994. There now sits a Seabee museum and several Quonset Huts, another innovative Rhode Island military invention carrying the Indian name for the region. A beautiful Seabee statue greets visitors and reminds all of their proud heritage. Sometimes it's used in parades and is a nice compliment to Rhode Island's other oversized insect statue, the New England Pest Control Big Blue Bug.

By the way, this is the year of the Seabee at the United States Navy Memorial in Washington, DC. Check it out. You do Rhode Island proud, Seabees!

Pop culture: Atlanta's World of Coca-Cola museum

John Pemberton, inventor of The Real Thing

They didn't side-step the New Coke debacle.

The Coke Store has lots of cool stuff like these salt and pepper shakers.

You can sample Coke products from around the world. These are from South America.

As far as beverages that taste like regurgitation go, Beverly is one of the best...

...and yet it still tastes better than Tab.

I don't care if it rots your teeth, has more sugar in one can than all of Cuba and gets you hopped up like a gerbil on a wheel, I love Coca-Cola. When I was a kid, those old Coke vending machines where you yanked out a frosty cold glass bottle and popped the top off with the built-in bottle opener were great. The first gulp always made you cry a little and would be followed by a satisfying "ahhhhhhhh" from your slightly burned throat. Atlanta is the hometown of Coke and they've got a really cool museum there called the World of Coca-Cola, right in the heart of downtown. There are historic exhibits, 3D movies, original Coke-inspired artwork, and a TV commercial viewing room. But the coolest room they have is called "Taste It." Coke makes many different flavored beverages that are sold in other parts of the world and here you get a chance to sample sixty of them, arranged geographically in five tasting stations. Some are fruity, some are earthy, some are God-awful. After sampling way, way too many flavors, my favorite was Inca Kola from Peru which offers a nice, fruity splash. Only the bravest pop aficionados should sample Beverly, however, an aperitif from Italy, which has a taste reminiscent of puke. There's also a great store with many fun, retro-designed Coke items. Yes, you do pay good money for the privilege of promoting a product that already permeates every corner of the earth, but why not? Coke adds life, it's the real thing, you can't beat the feeling, it's red, white and you, things go better, it's always Coca-Cola, and it's the pause that refreshes. Enjoy.