Ai yi yi! Dillon, South Carolina's South of the Border

We're still getting over a little touch of ill health so here's another rerun post of one of the eccentric roadside all-time greats: South of the Border in Dillon, South Carolina. Click here to read our previous posts.

Ben Bernanke, Great American

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke's stock went way up when I found out an interesting tidbit about his youth. When he was a Harvard student, he worked summers at South of the Border, the beloved tourist trap located in his hometown of Dillon, South Carolina. And not some cushy front office job. He waited tables wearing a poncho just like Pedro, their mascot. This is a truly great American and I'm brimming with confidence that he will use the mantra "What Would Pedro Do?" to guide us out of the financial turmoil our great nation is currently in.

Me encanta recuerdos de mal gusto desde el sur de la frontera*: I love tacky souvenirs from South of the Border

Pull his pants down and he pees. Hilarity ensues.

Richard Petty is ready to greet you...

...as is this friendly native American.

The place looks like it hasn't changed since forever.

Religious icons, anyone?

Nothing makes a roadtrip more fun than a stop for some useless junk, and South Carolina's South of the Border has some of the best crappe of anywhere in the world. Inflatable chili peppers? Check. Risque bath towels? Check. Souvenir backscratcher? Check. Who wouldn't want one of thousands of these precious keepsakes as a memento of the all good times had by all? The decor here is wonderful, too: hand-lettered signs, old wooden counters and shelves, friendly poncho-wearing help. And you can pick up a whole bunch of treasures without breaking the bank. Yo quiero South of the Border.

*if this translates to something ridiculous like "Bite the wax tadpole" it's because I don't speak Spanish and used an online translator.

Mi tacky casa es su tacky casa: South Carolina's South of the Border

If you're driving from the northeast to Florida, you're going to want an oasis half way there. And if your idea of an oasis includes Tacky-with-a-capital-T souvenirs, buildings shaped like sombreros and crude sculptures of mustached poncho-wearing Mexicans named Pedro, you can't top South of the Border in Dillon, South Carolina. A Mexican-themed (for no apparent reason) tourist trap, SOB has been pulling millions of weary travelers off I-95 since the 1950s with promises of deluxe accommodations, wonderful gifts, and delightful eats. You may or may not get all that but you will get a retro tackarama, bursting with unnecessary but essential junk for the taste-challenged road warrior and lots of neon festooned pseudo-stucco. We didn't spend the night here, alas, but we did have a nice meal at Pedro's Casteteria and loaded up on plenty of googahs, whatnots and tchochkes at their deluxe gift emporiums. I've never been to Tijuana, but I get the feeling this might be a reasonable facsimile only without the vice and diarrhea. It would have been great to see all the neon lit up at night. I was especially taken with how much the place appears unchanged since the 1960s. The same junky souvenirs I loved buying on roadtrips as a kid back then are here, on painted wooden shelves with hand-lettered signs advertising their greatness. Bliss! SOB is so vast, I've split up the pictures: this post shows the architecture. I'll get to the souvenirs next. Til then, manana, amigos!

Ay-yi-yi! The billboards of South of the Border, South Carolina

In South Carolina, just across the North Carolina state line is the best old-fashioned tacky tourist trap on the eastern seaboard, South of the Border. I'll talk more about them in the next post, but one of their great features are the seemingly hundreds of billboards you pass for miles and miles along Interstate 95, proclaiming the greatness of Pedro, their politically incorrect mascot, and the marvels they have to offer: fireworks, grits, camping, you name it. How can you not stop here after your desires and curiosity have been whipped up into such a frenzy, especially if you're a bored kid in a car on the way to Grandma's in Florida? The legendary Wall Drug in South Dakota used this same billboard technique to great effect all along I-90. These places hearken back to a simpler, less sophisticated time, when billboards were beacons that would lead the way to awesome places and things. "¡Yo quiero South of the Border"!